sidelinish

2006-02-08T17:04:00.000-08:00

EXCLUSIVE: ONE ON ONE WITH NFL SPOKESMAN GREG AIELLO

Following the widely disputed penalty calling for Superbowl XL sunday, it was a relief to many when the NFL issued a statement through official spokesman Greg Aiello that the game had, in fact, been "properly officiated." We emailed the NFL headquarters in NYC to request an interview and, to our surprise, Greg Aiello himself called back within fifteen minutes. Following is the transcript of our talk (after I was able to find my recorder.)

SideLinish: Thanks for doing this on such short notice, Greg.

Greg Aiello: No problem. I do this all the time for alternative media. We're bullish on the web, you know. Trying to build alliances.

SL: That's great.

GA: Yes. We want to be as approachable and fan-friendly to as many people as possible.

SL: I wanted to ask you some questions about the controversy surrounding the officiating in sunday's game.

GA: Of course. The entire department went over the game film and, as our press release stated, we found it to have been properly officiated.

SL: Because -

GA: Before you get into specifics, I'd like to point out that penalties, by their nature, are subjective. One man's illegal block is another's recipe for championshiop offensive lines.

SL: Surely there are objective means of calling penalties, right? Isn't that the whole-

GA Ah, yes! Of course, Duh. I didn't mean to say every penalty is in the eye of the beholder! Only that when a game is tight, and the calls are tight, someone will always complain. These were championship teams playing. The penalties tend to be harder to quantify when you play at that level.

SL: Yes, but the illegal block call on Seattle QB Matt Hasslebeck, following his interception throw, there seems to be universal consensus that it was a bad call and yet the NFL won't even say that much.

GA: It was properly called. There really isn't anything more to say. Is there... anything else?

SL: Yeah. I want to ask a theoretical question.

GA: (laughing) I'll try my best!

SL: What would happen to the NFL, as a brand name, as a revenue generating machine, if the biggest game of its season was officially labeled a botched job by the refs?

GA: Hmmmm.... you mean if we, the league, said, "There were numerous flaws in the penalty calling phase of the game possibly resulting in one team having an unfair advantage"?

SL: Exactly!

GA: (laughing) Well, the NFL prides itself of bringing its fans a consistant product, one they can be sure is as professional and fair as any sports league in world history. So, if we were to say a game watched by hundreds of millions of dollars - I mean, people - a game like that had an outcome that was suspect? It would damage the product beyond... what I can imagine. The ramifications when you consider ad revenues, the next round of TV contract talks, collective bargaining, it would be an absolute mess. Every game would then be under extra scrutiny. Every year a losing team would... I dunno, file lawsuits saying their loss was yet another example of the hypothetical game we're talking about, where we admitted failure. Class action suits would come from season ticket holders. Gosh, it would be chaos. The product would not hold. Impurity begins at the heart and the superbowl is our heart. Poison that and the rest of the body will follow. Can you picture a world where, the day before the superbowl people are saying, "Yeah, I heard about that game but its the NFL. They're a joke ever since they admitted they blew a superbowl. Let's watch poker instead."?

SL: Not pretty.

GA: A lot of money. A lot of jobs depend on the league being beyond reproach. "Beyond" beyond reproach, if that's possible. That's the mantra of me and Tag (Paul Tagliabue, NFL commissioner): Go "beyond" beyond and that's where you'll find the NFL.

SL: So, more than likely you would instead, release a statement saying the officiating was proper and things are as they should be in this... hypothetical game we're discussing.

GA: "Nothing to see here folks" (laughs) "Move right along, citizens!" (sniggering) That's right. It would be suicide for the league to admit something like that.

SL: Okay, thanks for calling us back, Greg.

GA: My pleasure. Anytime.

I don't know about anyone out there, but that clears up a lot of things for me!

2006-02-08T08:39:00.000-08:00

A STEELERS PARADE!

While waiting for my layover flight to Pittsburgh in the Denver airport last night, I was making notes of my observations of Supernowl XL. Things I'd ask a true fan that lived in the city (or could at least find it on a map). Lo and behold, a large woman dressed in a bright yellow Steelers sweatshirt sat next to me. She had a liter of diet cola and a tub of caramel corn from the airport gift shop and was waiting for the same flight to PA as I was. She had bags under her eyes so I know she'd been celebrating since sunday. I introduced myself and luckily, thanks to co-editor Erik's tireless trumpeting of the Steelers all season, she recognized the Sidelinish name.
"Are you Erik?" she gushed at first. I told I was the other guy and she was clearly disappointed.
"Oh, the Broncos fan," she said.
"What? That's not true." I said. "I try to stay objective."
"Hm. Crunch crunch." She eyed me with suspicion.
After I managed to convince her I wasn't a fan of the Broncos, that I had spent more time in my life rooting for the Steelers than the Seahawks, and that Erik wasn't given the Pittsburgh assignment due to a sinus infection, we began to chat. Her name was Barbara and she has been a Steelers fan since 1996, when due to her dislike for Bill Clinton, she began listening to noted Steelers booster Rush Limbaugh. "He just made them sound so daring, so gifted and so worship-worthy, I was a fan for life. I've never wavered. Even when the entire wolrd was against us, when the NFL wanted the Colts to win or the Seahawks to win, I never once thought of changing my clothes."
"That's loyal of you."
"Damn right. When you pick a team for pure reasons, you are rewarded, even if you feel like Job sometimes."
"The guy from the bible?"
"Yeah-huh. He was persecuted because no one wanted him to win, too. His team, god's team."
"I thought..." I cleared my throat, not being a biblical scholar, I decided to move on. "Anyway, do you think the refs called a good game on sunday?"
"Oh, yes. They tried to give it to the Seahawks but they were too dumb to take it and the Steelers were destined to win. We're blue collar champions and they're whiny computer nerds. We made the plays when we needed to." She twisted the cap for her cola and it squirted out from under the lid. She spent a minute licking her hand.
I asked her if she had a different favorite team prior to her Steelers conversion.
"Crunch crunch. The, um, the 49ers," she said. "And the Cowboys."
I was sensing a trend. "49ers in the 80's? The Cowboys in the early 90's?" She nodded. "And now you're flying to Pittsburgh to join in celebrating your one true favorite team?"
"Yeah huh. It's like a dream, Mister Sidelinish. Like I'm floating on a giant marshmallow - except it's yellow, you know? Like a terrible towel but I can eat it, too. Not too much or I'll fall from the sky! Ha hah! Maybe when I get there I'll find some grounded giant yellow marshmallows, huh?" She tipped the caramel corn box up and deposited the crumbs into her mouth. "Hey. Can you watch my stuff? I have to go to the bathroom," she asked. She didn't want an errant Seahawks fan junking her stuff. "No one wanted the Steelers to win, everyone was against us and they may still be out to get us loyal fans." I looked around at the concourse where seemingly everyone wore a Steelers shirt or hat and said I would guard it against any angry Seahawks fans.
As soon as she was out of sight, I carefully unzipped her luggage and found what I was looking for:

A New England Patriots jersey.

I left as soon as I could, creeped out by the woman's strange persecution complex. Later, on the plane, I found a piece of caramel corn was stuck to my ass. It wouldn't come off, either.

Maybe come September, I thought.

2006-02-07T08:37:00.000-08:00

HEY! THE OLYMPICS START THIS WEEK!

After the least persuasive "super" bowl in modern memory, Bill Leavy, embattled head ref for the game, answered a few questions from Sidelinish via a scratchy cell phone connection.

SideLinish: Hi Bill.

Bill Leavy: Greetings from the Motor City!

SL: Still in Detroit? When do you go home?

BL: Me and the crew pulled our stipends together and got a room at the airport Holiday Inn for a few extra days and we're spending the rest of the moola partying it up Zebra style. Ed (Hochuli) flew in and carried two kegs up a flight of stairs by himself. Crazy!

SL: Sounds like a blast.

BL: It's the bomb.

SL: Oh... the... bomb.

BL: The kids say that all the time. You must not get out much. After the game, me and the boys review film and high five each other after a good call saying, "That flag was the bomb, yo!"

SL: Nice.

BL: Totally.

SL: That brings me to a sensitive question...

BL: Oh, no, you isn't!

SL:... some quarters have taken issue with the way the game was called. A few calls against the Seahawks...

BL: Hey! I didn't throw a flag to make the kicker miss. I didn't numb Jeremy Stevens hands to make his drop three passes. These Seattle fans need a reality check! Rain has got them all water-logged.

SL: So you've reviewed the game with league officials?

LOUD ROAR in the background.

BL: Holy --! Did you hear that? Felt like a DC-10 landing in my pants! We're right in the flight path at the airport, man. It'd bug me... if I was planning on sleeping! Too much rocking for that, baby! High five... someone... hey... aw, they're all playing NBA 2006 on Playstation. Ron's trying to take the Clippers to the championship!. High five them later, I guess... let me write that down.... DC-10.... in pants... OKAY! Where were we?

SL: So, Bill, has the league said anything about the game? Have you reviewed the three big calls against the Seahawks with them?

BL: Nah! We're still rocking it Zebra-style in the Motor City, baby! But, yeah, I did watch some highlights on my I-Pod Nano, a gift from Jerry Jones I wasn't able to repay - this year.

SL: And? Are you happy with the way you called the game?

Long pause.

BL: Listen, I gotta be honest here, at the risk of sounding sentimental. I love Olympic Ice Dancing. I was at the US trials last month and for the past two weeks my stomach has been twisted in anticipation. Tanith Belbin and Ben Agosto... oh my god! Those two are are absolute perfection on and off the ice and the thought of them maybe winning a gold would be the culmination of years of training and hard work. It's hard for me to think of anything else.

SL: Oh...

BL: You a fan?

SL: Um...

BL: You should be. Thank god they've redone the scoring system for it. In '02 we got totally screwed by a few of the impartial judges. They've taken it out of their hands this year, thank god.

SL: That's good.

BL: Word, brother. Nothing is worse than someone other than the athletes perfomrance determining their fate.

SL: I hear you.

BL: Oh! It looks like Ron just won another game. I'm up next. Guess which team I am on NBA 2006?

SL: Um, Spurs?

BL: No! The Klicks!

SL: You mean the.. Knicks?

BL: The... hold on.... oh, yeah, now that I look at it with my glasses on, it is the Knicks. Huh. I know what a Klick is but... a Knick? Hm...

SL: Good luck, Bill.

BL: Ice Dancing, Mister Sidelinish! You can join my fan club. I have a blog, too. I was actually jotting a few notes for it during the game on Sunday. Don't tell.

SL: I won't.

BL: You the bomb!

End of call.

That's it. Bill Leavy everyone. See you all at training camp!

2006-01-16T10:51:00.000-08:00

What Do You Get When You Knock Off The #1 Seed In The NFL? No Respect.

Despite knocking off the team everybody had pegged to win it all, as long as they secured home-field advantage, Vegas Odds Makers still have the Steelers as 3 1/2 point underdogs going into the AFC Championship Game in Denver.

Ed Bouchette recaps the mugging The Steelers gave the Colts in Indy, and he also talks about Cowher's search for an AFC Title and his second SuperBowl berth.

2005-12-27T12:39:00.001-08:00

HOLY CRAP! A SAVIOR ON CHRISTMAS!Rex Grossman's surly good looks and unfounded confidence have strangely hypnotized the football-talking world.

If you watched more than ten seconds of the Christmas clash between the Packers and the Bears, you probably heard either an announcer, a studio talking head, or even that annoying Old Navy lady say that Rex Grossman's performance against the mighty three-win Packers a gift sent from the heavens that will lead them deep into the playoffs. I don't mean to be a party pooper but didn't the Packers make Kyle Boller look like the Ravens savior the week before? Kyle frickin' Boller!
On Grossman: "He's a great quarterback." Huh? When? Oh... against the Packers! "His return could make the Bears super"? Like... the superbowl? You mean his return from... his seven previous starts over the past three years? Also, he might not play the full game against the Vikings this week? He's going to be rested because... he's worn out after EIGHT QUARTERS IN SIXTEEN GAMES??? (Considering his luck with playing more than three games a season, maybe he shouldn't play at all.)

Am I being a football Grinch by daring to ask what the hell a - ahem - "playoff" teams is doing "finding" its quarterback to take them deep into the playoffs... in late December? Is everyone else in the NFC that much worse than the Seahawks that ink-wasters of the NFL columnistas will grab any storyline, no matter how flimsy?

2005-12-19T17:28:00.000-08:00

PEOPLE WOULD LOVE ME... if they knew I existed.

Tiki Barber shows fawning members of the press corp how he overcame his fumbling problem despite being criminally overlooked as an MVP candidate and invisible to everyone in the football world... except... for every fawning member of the press corps, that is.

Poor Tiki Barber. If you were watching the Giants/Chiefs game on Saturday you heard the announcers ask many many times "Why isn't Tiki Barber being mentioned for MVP?" This made us think.. hey! we've been hearing about Tiki NOT being mentioned as MVP for the past two months. After frequently being mentioned as not being mentioned, when does Tiki rate as being mentioned? He plays for New York! The center of the football writing universe. Frankly, we're kinda sick of hearing about how we never hear about the guy. So, we did a search to prove that yes, Tiki is both good and that "Overlooked for MVP" is getting old.

As a random example following Saturday's epic performance, everyone is keyed into the talking point that Barber is the most underated player in the NFL.

Last friday, he was overlooked.

Last tuesday, from New York, No love.

Last wednesday from New York, a shock as Tiki deserves MVP consideration.

Old fave Bob Glauber, of New York, mentions Tiki-as-MVP in passing last Monday. If Glauber says it in passing, you know it's in the mix as a bonafide, not overlooked notion.

In Chicago, Tiki last week was under the radar.

Jimmy Johnson said, way back when (December 2nd) that Barber was worthy of MVP consideration (scroll down).

And, from the New Jersey based man who started all this Tiki-as-sadly-overlooked-MVP nonsense, Peter King did it way back on November 2nd, when it was chic to compare Barber with LaDanian Tomlinson, whereas now it's Sean Alexander against Tiki. As long as it's someone against Tiki, Tiki isn't overlooked. Try playing in the Elba of the NFL up in Seattle if you want to be overlooked, boys.

2005-12-15T11:34:00.000-08:00

Yes, Virginia There Is A Santa Claus ... For The Good Teams. For The Naughty Teams ... It's Satan Claus

This week looks to be the best week of the season. So much to play for ... so much to lose.

In this week's round-up:

In Pittsburgh, how healthy is Big Ben's thumb? Don't ask Cowher about it. And if you ask Ben, you'll likely get a different answer each day. Or, each hour. It it all a ruse? In the tradition of Mike Shannahan, who despises the league's policy on injury reporting, Cowher has Roethlisberger listed as "probable" in a must-win game against the Vikings this week? Probable? Did he see Maddox play in those two losses to the Jags and Ravens? Probable my ass. If Ben doesn't play the season's over. Check out the write-up in the Pittsburgh Post Gazette.

Sean Jensen of the Grand Forks Herald thinks Vikings coach Mike Tice may have done just enough to save his job. Owner Zygi Wilf says he's impressed with his team's rebound from a 2-5 start to be in a position to snatch the NFC North from the clutches of arch rival the Chicago Bears. Jensen writes: "There will be no major overhaul," Wilf said. "We have a great bunch of guys." Though he repeated that coach Mike Tice's status will not be determined until the season is completed, Wilf had high praise for the front-office and coaching staffs' ability to overcome the boat scandal, the offseason trade of Randy Moss and season-ending injuries to Pro Bowl quarterback Daunte Culpepper and Pro Bowl center Matt Birk.

After punking the Chargers and keeping the Pittsburgh Steelers in the playoff hunt (thank you!) and no playoffs in their immediate future, now it's time to speculate about the Dolphins future. And the first issue to speculate about is: Will Ricky stay, or will he go? Armando Salguero of the Miami Herald ponders ...

The Daily Sentinel wants to remind The Cowboys that every game is a playoff game for the next three weeks.

And, for the unitiated, Michael Irvin still does crack ...

2005-12-08T14:43:00.000-08:00

The Steel Curtain Closes On A Legendary Innovator

Bud Carson, the inventor of the "Steel Curtain" Defense in Pittsburgh during the 70s, has passed away of emphysema. Considered the best defense the NFL has ever seen, The Steelers won 4 Superbowls with Carson's "Steel Curtain", led by the likes of Jack Lambert and "Mean" Joe Green.

Gerry Dulac of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette has an excellent obituary on Carson's storied career. "Bud Carson was a small man with a slight frame, not what anyone would envision as the architect of perhaps the best and toughest defense in the history of the National Football League. Bud Carson was the architect of Pittsburgh's Steel Curtain defense and later coached the Cleveland Browns.

But his ideas and schemes were grandiose, and he was larger than life among the players who were a part of the Steel Curtain defense that became the signature of the Steelers during their Super Bowl days of the 1970s."

2005-12-06T08:42:00.000-08:00

ABC Discovers New Revolutionary Sleeping Pill!!!

Was it just me, or did anybody else hear John Madden snoring sometime during the 3rd Quarter?

The Philadelphia Iggles laid an egg on Reggie White Night, which is interesting because the Green Bay Packers also got hammered on their Reggie White Night too. Note to Packers & Iggles: Reggie is pissed.

In Pittsburgh, Bill Cowher normally gives his players Monday off after a game. Not this week. Everybody was ordred to report to work and Ben Roethlisberger, who was scheduled to film an episode of "Wheel of Fortune", cancelled the gig and spent the day rehabbing his dinged thumb and practicing his throws with the splint. Meanwhile, Ed Bouchette breaks down the hill the Steelers have to climb to stay in the Wild Card Race.

The Atlanta Journal Constitution tells us how the Falcons helped the Panters win on Sunday (annoying subscription needed) and how the the Falcons can not afford to lose another game.

And Dolphin QB Shane Rosenfels is wondering just what the heck he has to do in order to get any respect. He brought the Dolphins a come from behind victory, earning the win, but still hasn't earned the right to start.

The Raiders are "half baked" according to Bill Soliday of Bay Area Insider. And it looks like Kerry Collins may be benched for the Jets game this Sunday.

2005-12-01T13:48:00.000-08:00

The Best Reality Show Not On TV!

I have to admit -- I'm addicted to the Detroit Lions Soap Opera. Unscripted, it is absolutely the best reality show not on television.

Mere hours after head coach Steve Mariucci was fired, Lions Corner Dre Bly threw quarterback Joey Harrington under a bus, claiming Harrington's poor play was the reason Mariucci was fired.

Mitch Albom of The Freep gives Harrington credit for taking the high road and not responding to Bly's comments ... and says if the Lions want to start over the right way -- they should make a statement by fining Bly.

From The Freep:

"... last I looked, Harrington was benched by Mariucci and only got to play again when Garcia broke down. Garcia hardly shone. The play-calling was atrocious no matter who was the quarterback. There never was a running game. Yet through all the ugliness, Harrington never turned on Garcia or his coach. Publicly, his statements were all about support. Supporting Garcia. Supporting Jones. Supporting the team."

2005-11-29T15:08:00.000-08:00

Bye-Bye, Mooch. Thanks For Nuttin' ...

One turkey who thought he'd gotten away last week, found out he didn't yesterday morning. Despite assurances to the media that all the meetings were the "normal meetings" one has after a game, the Lions fired Head Coach Steve Mariucci Monday morning. If discussing the firing of a head coach is a "normal" post game meeting -- I'd hate to attend a meeting where the scheduled topic is firing a head coach!

Mitch Albom of the Freep probably says it best in his article on the debacle in "The D": "Steve Mariucci had one look when he arrived nearly three years ago and another look by the time he was fired Monday. The first was the look of a pedigreed professional, striding with confidence. The second was the look of a man who'd just had an ax thrown at his head."

Fans react to Mooch getting clipped.

"Oops ... sorry ... "

The NFL issued an apology to the Seattle Seahawks today, admitting that officials made an error in granting the NY Giants two touchdowns Sunday -- two touchdowns that resulted in the Seahawks having to play well into overtime to secure a victory against the G Men. Just how sorry would they have been had Giants kicker Jay Feely not been having the worst ever night of his career and not missed three potential game winning field goals? One also has to wonder that if the Seahawks had indeed lost that game -- would the NFL be admitting their error?

Didn't think so.

UPDATE: According the Fox sports, the NFL claims that they did not contact the Seahawks organization and admit officiating mistakes.

UPDATE #2: The NFL is so secretive of its officiating mistakes as well as being protective of both the zebra crews and their lucrative East Coast franchises, that they now refuse to verify that there even WAS a game between the Seahawks and the Giants on Sunday.

UPDATE #3: Seahawks coach Mike Holmgren said today that he expects to be fined by the NFL for revealing the details of a "confidential conversation" he had about the officiating -- or lack thereof -- of their home game against the Giants this last Sunday.

Also -- Michael Irvin still smokes crack.

2005-11-28T14:16:00.000-08:00

MATT MILLEN FIRES BOSS JIM GETTYS!"It's Ford Field, not Xanadu," Joey Harrington whispers to his champion, Matt Millen, during Millen's press conference announcing the firing of Steve Mariucci

We here at sidelinish wish the Lions well despite their current turmoil and our long-standing love of NFL turmoil. Dick Jauron takes over, much like Lions standard-bearer (no, really!) Wayne Fontes began his tenure as head coach. Gary Moeller still has the greatest winning percentage of any Lions coach the past fifty years. Man, why'd they let Moeller go, anyway? He went 4-3!

2005-11-28T08:28:00.000-08:00

"Why Don't We Fit In?"

In Breaking News: The Houston Texans were voted out of the NFL this week and banished to the Island of Misfit Toys after blowing a huge fourth quarter lead to a Rams team that was without starting QB Marc Bulger, without back-up QB Jamie Martin and was, in fact, starting a rookie third string QB by the name of Ryan Fitzpatrick. Who?? Yeah, that Ryan Fitzpatrick. John McClain (no not from the movie "Die Hard") of The Houston Chronical says the choke -- er -- joke was on the Texans Sunday as he breaks down their second half collapse and says it was eerily similar to the Houston Oilers second half collapse to the Buffalo Bills in the 1994 AFC Playoff game where, intrestingly enough, the then Houston Oilers (now Tennessee Titans) also lost in OT to a back-up QB.

The St. Louis Post Dispatch gives you the break-down of the how the Rams won with the afore-mentioned back-up QB. And one begins to wonder just what the future holds for former head coach Mike Martz (pictured right) who was sidelines earlier this year due to health issues. It's well known he and the Rams front office have a contentions relationship at best and with several head coaching jobs opening up very, very soon, Martz, a proven winner, could have his pick of the litter.

In more breaking news, NY Giants kicker Jay Feely's dog was rushed to the emergency room last night after he kicked the hell out of it. The sad part is -- he was aiming for his cat. (insert rim shot here). The NY Times covers last night's marathon game against the Seahawks and talks about how the Giants came down with a case of "Cold Feet".

Things are getting ugly in Lion Nation, folks! The rumor mill is spinning faster than Angelina Jolie sleeps with her leading men and Drew sharp of the Freep is demanding the Lions President "tear down the wall of lies!" (pictured left -- GM Matt Millen talks with Lions Coach Steve Mariucci. Rumor has it both men are on their way to the unemployment line).

The Pittsburgh Post Gazette gives you the pre-game look of the Steelers/Colts match-up tonight.

And, in more breaking news -- Michael Irvin smokes crack -- STILL. The "play maker" was arrested for posession of "drug paraphernalia" which Irvin claims "belongs to a friend". What are the chances that "friend" will come forward and claim it.

Yeah ... me either.

2005-11-22T08:17:00.000-08:00

Dude, Where's My Refund?

Well, it's that time of year again ... when the crisp autumn air begins to turn into the bitter bite of winter ... when the aroma of a roasting squab filters its way through the house ... and when families gather in living rooms across America to drink sodas, beer and eat chips and salsa while watching the Detroit Lions get the snot slapped outta' them - again. There's definitely no family atmosphere in Lion Nation this year as the team continues to under achieve and the GM, Head Coach and starting quarerback are all on the bubble. Well, rumor has it some of those fates have actually been decided (talking to you Joey, no cold weather clothes will be needed where you are going. You like sand?) but most interesting is the situation thats developing between the Lions Org. and WR Charles Rogers. Seems the Lions want a $10 million dollar refund on their $14 million signing bonus. Mitch Albom of the Freep says -- hey, while your in the business of asking for refunds "Yo' Where's My Money?"

However, we football fans do have something to be thankful this year. Normally the Dallas Thanksgiving is one extreme or the other. While in the 1990s we were "treated" to Dallas delivering an ass whuppin' to some poor team with a losing record, and in the 2000s we were subjected to watching the Cowboys get their own ass whupped year after year -- this year we get an actual football game with actual ramifications!

While the Lions game will merely be background noise for conversation and a mild distraction for grandpa who falls asleep every fine minutes anyway -- the Broncos @ Cowboys game is the game of the day. A must win for both teams. The Broncos are perhaps the only AFC Team that is a legitmate threat to the Indianapolis Colts this year. I did think the Steelers were the only team that could beat the Colts, but after seeing Indy carve apart the Bengals secondary like a hot razor through butter, I'm not sure the banged-up Steelers will be able to keep pace with a high powered Colts offense that had been asleep all season -- until Sunday. Successfully silencing all the fantasy players crying "Where's my points???"

For the Cowboys it's a chance to keep pace with the NY Giants and maintain the division lead. A win would also keep them in the running for a home game in the playoffs, should the Seahawks drop a game or two in December. And after watching them struggle with the less than scary 49ers, I think the Seahawks better play some perfect game down the road or that all important home field could slip away.

The Star Telegram tells us how the "Cowboys measure-up with the Broncos" (annoying free subscription needed).

Happy Thanksgiving!

2005-11-18T11:18:00.000-08:00

It's Official: Maddox To Start For Steelers

While most of the Steeler Nation demanded a recount, Coach Bill Cowher made it official and listed befuddled QB Tommy Maddox as the starter for the Ravens game this Sunday. Dinged-up QB and town hero Ben Roethlisberger will suit up and is "officially" listed as the #2 back-up. However, Gerry Dulac of the Post Gazette has learned that unofficially, Wide Reciver Antwaan Randel El is the #2 QB. In short, it's going to have to get pretty bad before Cowher is going to put #7 on the field and risk his recovery before the game against the Colts on Monday November 28th.

Check-out Dulac's article here.

2005-11-17T19:55:00.000-08:00

REUN-YAWN

Hey, kids, it's Kurt Warner week in St. Louis! Superbowl and league MVP returns to the scene of his greatest achievments. Unfortunately, that only means sad columns about the state of both Warner and the Rams, neither of which will have confetti falling upon them anytime soon (unless a digruntled fan happens to tear up a greasy napkin and throw it at them after the game). Jeff Gordon's column quotes Warner (a QB for the Arizona Cardinals, mind you) as saying about the Rams now "I just feel bad for the organizatio n." That's right, a player for the Cardinals feels bad for the Rams. That's harsh, Kurt! Happily, on the field Sunday there will be no mercy. The biggest downer, though, is in this piece from the AZ Republic, where Warner sounds like a forty-year old man who can't get over his high school football days when he says his goal is to "...recapture something like that (his time with the Rams) ... I'd never felt that before. I think that it's hard to find, but that's what I'm in search of." As romantic as that may sound, bear in mind most love stories end tragically. Speaking of which, the original ending to Terms of Endearment had Debra Winger not dying but instead being signed by the Cardinals, which - then as in now - was seen as a fate worse than a fate worse than death.

2005-11-17T11:14:00.000-08:00

Santa Dead !

Well, not quite, but there will certainly be no Christmas for a number of teams around the NFL this year. When the term "mathematically alive" starts to be used in reference to your team, you know your season's over.

In our losers round-table:

Kyle Boller defends himself against Shannon Sharpe in Baltimore (annoying free subscription needed).

A doctor in Philly recommends Donovan McNabb get what could be season ending surgery, which is fitting since their season more than likely ended on Monday Night Football against Dallas.

While Michael Rosenberg of the Detroit Free Press notes that the NFC North didn't quite suck last weekend, Joey Harrington finally starts to get some condtional love from Lion Nation.

Dylan B. Tomlinson of the Green Bay Press-Gazette talks about how Mike Sherman is "slowing down practice" after their upset of the Falcons this last Sunday, fellow reporter Rob Demovsky is keeping it real with Brett Favre.

In America's Wang, the Palm Beach Post reports that Dolphin Back-up QB Sage Rosenfels is trying to start a QB controversy and he has support from one of the team's leading Wide Receivers. And Nick Saban apologizes to Brown's Wide Reciver Braylon Edwards, but nobody is quite sure why.

And if anybody cares, this week marked the tenth anniversary that the Browns left Cleveland for Baltimore. Apparently, this is still an emotional scar since Cleveland still doesn't have a pro team (annoy sub needed).

2005-11-16T08:26:00.000-08:00

Steeler Nation In Grip of Terror

How bad is this scenario? You're in first place in your division, with only a 1/2 game on your arch rival.

Your starting quarterback is out for at least one more game. 50/50 at best.

Your back-up QB, who's pretty good, is out with a broken hand.

And your pick-prone third string QB, who is also known for coming down with cases of Fumbleitis and Incompletion Syndrome, is the only guy who can start.

Oh, and if that's not bad enough, your fourth string QB, who signed with another arch rival's pratice squad, has refused to return your calls and his agent has informed you he "wishes to have nothing to do with your team."

What do you do? What do you do???

Lose probably.

Ed Bouchette of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette gives us the breakdown of the Steelers nightmare: Big Ben 50/50, Batch out, Maddox playing horribly showing no signs of self confidence and Brian St. Pierre refusing the opportunity to be a starter in the NFL for at least one game.

Ugh ...

2005-11-15T08:14:00.000-08:00

What The Hell Happened?

The jersey said McNabb -- but it sure looked a hell of a lot like Tommy Maddox in the closing minutes of the game last night in Philly. With a six point lead and under three minutes to play, McNabb did what McNabb does nowdays and managed to steal defeat from the jaws of victory and threw a pick at the most in-opportune time, giving the Cowboys a 21 - 20 lead with 2:43 remaining on the clock.

If that damage weren't enough, Maddox -- er -- McNabb then came out and threw two incomplete passes and was sacked for a seven yard loss. Wow.

Somewhere, a player well known by only a two letter name is still rolling on the floor, laughing his ass off and wearing a Roy Williams Jersey this morning.

Bob Brookover of the Philly Inquirer gives you the post-mortem on last night's horror show.

2005-11-14T08:53:00.000-08:00

Hello, Kordell? Hi! This is Bill! How you been, buddy?

Yep, that's the phone call I pictured Bill Cowher making first thing this morning. Yes, things have gotten that bad for the Steel Men. Despite being in first place at 7-2 and routing the Cleveland Browns at home last night, the Steelers have one huge problem; no QB. QB sensation Ben Roethlisberger isn't quite ready to come back from knee surgery (they're saving him for the Colts game in two weeks) and back-up QB Charlie Batch, who's won two games in Ben's absence, broke his hand last night which means one time hero Tommy Maddox is the starting QB. In case you missed last night's action, Maddox only completed two passes last night, and one of them was to the opposing team. If Batch isn't able to go against the Ravens Sunday, what's Cowher to do? Is Kordell really that bad of an idea? How about Neil O'Donnell? Right about now, the water boy probably looks like good option. "How you doin' kid? Man, you're big for your age ain'tch ya'? Hey, you ever wanted to be a starting QB in the NFL?"

Ugh ... Ed Bouchette of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette gives us the low down on last night's game while Gerry Dulac ponders why the Men of Steel are remaining "slow starters" in each of their games.

The Miami Herald (annoying free subscription needed) ruminates about the one that got away this week in Dolphin Land, while Jeff Darlington of the Palm Beach Post talks-up the missed opportunity the 'Fins had to keep themselves in the race for first in the AFC Least -- er -- East.

2005-11-10T15:59:00.000-08:00

Nope, No T.O. Here

Tired of hearing about the soap opera in Philly? Then you came to the right place.

Ed Bouchette of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette keeps us updated on Big Ben's progress and says #7 plans to be on the field by November 20th when the Steelers play the Ravens in Baltimore, a game the NFL deemed not worthy of prime-time due to the Raven's poor record.

As for our feathered friends in the AFC North -- they just cut back-up QB Kordell Stewart for the second time this season.

Mike Klis of the Denver Post wants to know what's up with the Broncos' opposing teams. Seems the Mile High Men are facing far more pass attempts against their secondary than any other.

Apparently, Gus Frerotte of the Dolphins is used to getting booed -- or so he tells the Palm Beach Post.

And, in our regular Lions update, Michael Rosenberg of the Freep would like to know why their coach is MIA? Hello? Anybody home? Do they have a coach? Rosenberg demands to know!

Oh, and many were shocked to learn that some cheeleaders in the NFL might be whores.

Who woulda' thunk?

2005-11-01T14:04:00.000-08:00

Prime-Time Worthy Games Needed ... Ravens Need Not Apply (aka The Many Faces of Billick)

Just how bad has it gotten in Baltimore? Well, it's scary enough to even give hometown hero Edgar Alan Poe a fright. The NFL and CBS have changed the start time for the Ravens home game against the Pittsburgh Steelers on November 20th from a prime-time slot to a, well, non-prime-time slot. Originally slated to be a nationally televised 4:15 PM game, CBS and the NFL have booted the Ravens / Steelers game from the national schedule and replaced it with the Colts vs. Bengals game at Cincinatti, citing the Ravens "unexpected poor season" as the reason.

Wow, how the mighty have fallen. Booted from prime-time in favor of The Bengals??? Somebody keep Brian Billick away from sharp objects, ledges and speeding trucks.

The Baltimore Sun gives you the post-mortem on last night's loss to the Steelers.

In more AFC North news, the Steelers -- aka America's Team -- aren't sure if QB phenom Ben Roethlisberger will play Sunday against The Packers in Green Bay. Seems the extra injury to #7's banged-up knee, while not serious, has The Chin -- aka Bill Cowher -- a tad concerned to where he'd rather keep Ben intact for the post-season and not risk his health by starting him in a winnable game against a team that can't stop the run. If Ben doesn't play, Charlie Batch will get the nod instead of Tommy Maddox. After Maddox gave away a game the Steelers had all but won against Jacksonville three weeks ago, Batch has moved-up to the #2 spot and Maddox has slid to #3 on the roster. I understand his parking space have also been given to the towel boy.

2005-10-31T13:07:00.000-08:00

Et Tu, Garcia?

Joey -- no Joey -- same result. While one has to finally admit that Joey Harrington isn't progressing as well as he should be in Detroit, one also has to admit that the problems in Detroit can not be traced back to Harrington alone.

Just in time for Halloween, the Freep claims "the ghost of Scott Mitchell" arose at Ford field . And that "the way Garcia was hit" Sunday, he "may not last long enough to be benched".

Either way, Joey sitting on the sidelines in Detroit means he'll be starting in either Baltimore or Minnesota next season.

And Drew Sharp of the Freep is calling GM Matt Millen out. "Millen can duck and dodge for only so long" he says. I for one think it would be a good thing to get Millen out of Detroit. As it would mean he'd be back in the FOX booth where is sorely needed!

And Mitch Albom is wondering why, when coach Steve Mariucci said Jeff Garcia "was going to make plays", he didn't tell us Garcia was going to "make them for the other side too."

And my favorite beat reporter of all time, Ed Bouchette of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, rants on the state of WR's in the NFL. Condeming the "Me Shawn Generation".

2005-10-31T09:20:00.000-08:00

BROADSIDE

Wearing sharp-looking throwback jerseys, the 49ers improbable victory was put away by Cody Pickett, who, moments before going under center, was on special teams making a tackle. More than likely he'll start against the Giants next week, so everyone rush out and buy those Pickett jerseys! Tim Kawakami marvels at the scene, repeating a nickename, "Rodeo Cody" enough times to make any respectable, brie-eating, wine-drinking fan of the Niners feel left out and confused. Bryant Young apparently brought some extra special mojo yesterday, resulting from a practice altercation last week. BY and Rodeo Cody are all well and fine, of course, but let's not forget Joe Nedney, one man offense. powerhouse. So the bottom-feeders get a one-week smile before the Giants come to town. Over in Tampa, things aren't quite so rosy. Gary Shelton is so disgusted at the 5-1 Bucs laying an egg, he invokes a famous song as the "Bucs had no heart to leave in SF". It was so ugly that if Scooter Libby and Tom DeLay were forced to watch the game two or three times, we'd all call it even, since that would be punishment enough.. Chris Simms gets slammed, of course. He'll face an honest-to-gosh good team next week, which brings only dread in Tampa. Surprisingly, Roy Cummings' game grades for the Bucs includes no 'F's'. And, using Halloween for all its worth, Martin Fennelly says, "Throw a sheet over 12-4 ; 8-8 has risen from the dead." There are more where that came from. Expect turkey's and lumps of coal between now and the end of the season. Oh, Gruden was asked if anyone was hurt in the game and he answered, "You're looking at him."

2005-10-27T12:45:00.000-07:00

NFC EAST - BETTER THAN JESUS

The stampede to crown Superbowl XL's winner by November has trampled many a coffee-stained columnists overweight torso since the season began but - following the Patriots-then-Bengals fall from grace - the stampede now seems to be firmly entrenched in the always-popular NFC East. 'Why Not the Redskins?' Rich Tandler of the Redskins fansite The Warpath asks. We'd like to say something sarcastic and above-it-all to that question but, given the state of the NFC, we got nothing. Mark Brunnel gets some belated, love. He's even doing great in fantasy football! Bob Glauber then talks up this week's aging QB du jour's recent up-and-down tenure in Washignton. Speaking of aging QB du jour, Drew Bledsoe can only look at Brunnel and remember what it was like being everyone's favorite old guy... only a week ago. Down in Dallas, the Leash will be on Bledsoe now because Parcells knows best, presumably. Jennifer Floyd Enger then goes on to ask if she's the only one who doesn't think Bill Parcells smacking an assistant on National TV was a big deal. The answer to her question is: No one cares that he hit the guy, only that Parcells disturbingly hits like a girl. Richie Whitt of the Dallas Observer is this week's winner of the Jumping Off the Cowboys/Tuna bandwagon award. He calls Parcells a domineering dunce! Yes! Richie is my new hero. Finally, the are-they-still-here? Eagles have a few problems that aren't very interesting. Namely, they can't run and neither can McNabb. Even Kurt Warner and last week's Mark Brunnel, Drew Bledsoe, have more rushing yards. That's not good, friends. He finally admitted that he's having a hard time running because of that sports hernia. Thanks Donovan, we weren't sure. Oh, there is probably more news on the Giants and Eli Manning but... we're already kinda sick of the guy. Sorry.

2005-10-26T11:20:00.000-07:00

"Soon, every columnist will be in the thrall of my secret love potion!" Eli Manning in his kitchen last night.

THERE WERE OTHER PLAYERS AND ANOTHER TEAM... SERIOUSLY...

We read a lot of columns here at sidelinish and the whiplash coverage from superbowl-bound Bengals toEli Manning was shocking even to us. Literally, grown columnists leapt from one bandwagon to another, knees-be-damned, in plain view for all to see. Embarrassing. A few good perfs for a NYC/NJ team and Manning is suddenly the next Chad Pennington. Even Thomas George of the Denver Post tells Jake Plummer he needs to start playing like Eli Mannnig. As good as the Broncos were up until the fourth quarter in New Jersey, history may get the better of them. They've been 5-2 after seven games for three years in a row now, finishing 10-6 the last two. Jeff Legwold of the Rocky Mountain News details the unease. Mike Klis tells us the Broncos have been outscroed 40-0 the last three weeks following their last score of each game. But seriously, who cares about the Broncos? Give us the NFC East, best division ever, even if you included Roman Gladiators or Space Marines. Except... honest-to-gosh old school guy Wellington Mara reminds us even a Space Marine can't stop the inevitable and sadness has temporarily has replaced euphoria this week. Jerks now own the majority of the NFC East.

2005-10-24T14:11:00.000-07:00

Order Restored

"Dear Bengals Fans,

Thanks you for letting your team scrimmage with our team. They needed the practice. Can't wait to see what your 1st string team looks like!

Signed,

Steeler Fans"

As has been written here before, the Bengals simply do not have the luxury of playing the Houston Texans every week. Ed Bouchette of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette gives the post mortem on the Bengals' crash to the reality of their "paper lion" status.

Bengals fans ... you slay me ...

2005-10-24T13:33:00.000-07:00

KEEP BOUNCING, DUDE

The Jeff Garcia era began yesterday in Detroit, leaving one of sidelinish's favorite subjects, Joey Harrington, on the, uh, sideline. Though 35 years young, Garcia bounced around and made plays, the Grand Rapids Press imploring him to, "Keep bouncing, dude." I guess they think people still talk like that in Michigan. Drew Sharp tells us that the Detroit 'D' is happy for the extra rest Garcia brings them when on the field. Former whipping boy Joey is sad and confused, watching the action from the sideline, but promises he won't let it beat him (we'll love you until you appear on a reality TV show, Joey!). And our favorite author of uplifting novels and devils-advocate sport columns, Mitch Alboms, lets us know we shouldn't be too excited by the Jeff Garcia thing. He's da man until he's da bum in Detroit, after all. Incidentally, Alboms next blockbuster is entitled 'The Five People You Meet at the Airport' and concerns a young, recently demoted NFL quarterback returning home after a disappointing season. Alboms is mum on who the QB actually meets at the airport but will tell us that none of them will be associated with another NFL team. While that sounds sad, Alboms then hints, "That doesn't mean someone there won't have something to do with football." The book should be available to buy in bulk for your local senior center by Christmas.

2005-10-23T09:29:00.000-07:00

CAN HE EVEN SPELL MASTERMIND NOW????

With three consecutive losses, the luster of mastermindedness has all but disappeared from Nick Saban. Before Friday's loss, Dick Vermeil said of the Dolphins' playing Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams at the same time, "You're kidding yourself ... the day when you had two backs in the backfield (are) gone." He then added, "I thought this guy was supposed to be a mastermind. Call me when he opens a vineyard and wins a superbowl." The era of the 'Pony Package' may be short, though. Edwin Pope thinks it's now Brown's ball, even if Saban referred to Ricky's 0.6 yards per carry, "fine" (we think that's some kind of Mensa joke). The Chiefs won with their revolving RBs in a game with the atmosphere of a friday-night high school game. The Miami Herald reminds us that the mastermind is still working through the trial of having bad players to work with. Poor guy. And, uh, anyone still clinging to Saban's imminent coronation, read about his inspirational tale of... ugh... 'floaties.' Finally, following the lead of every other lousy team this year, Greg Cote of the Herald says they should start their backup, Sage Rosenfels. "Floaties, my ignorant subjects! You know... for kids! It's a metaphor like that Patriots Visa commercial. I know Bill Bellichick, by the way. Did I mention that before? Hello? Where is everyone?" Nick Saban at a Saturday press conference.

2005-10-19T11:09:00.000-07:00

MORE LIONS CRAP

Mitch Alboms suddenly remembers he's also the author of feel-good books for the 50+ set and softens the Joey-bashing with a one-on-one with Detroit's whipping boy. A good reminder that Joey is a swell guy - we here in the Pacific Northwest still root for him, after all and feel bad about the piling on against him (he used to give me a dollar every time he saw me panhandling in his NE Portland neighborhood). Not so the folks in Detroit. Here is a sampling of their distatse for the '05 Lions following Sunday's heartbreaker. Following the hallowed tradition of past answers to the Lions eternal QB problem (Scott Mitchell, Rodney Peete, Andre Ware, Charlie Batch and that other guy), Tom Kowalski says the Lions have nothing to lose by starting rookie Dan Orlovsky (except maybe eleven more games). Hey, you know when people from Cleveland start making fun of your QB situation, you've hit a new low.

2005-10-19T08:31:00.000-07:00

HEADLINE WRITERS, PLEASE FORGET APOLLO 13!

As the Texans flounder with nary a glimmer of hope, the kinda-sorta-good Colts come into town. Kristie Rieken breaks down the sense of dread as undefeated SuperBowl hopefuls face winless Reggie Bush/Matt Leinert frontrunners. However, even though Shaun Alexander is the NFLs leading rusher and Edgerrin James is #2, there is hope! This sunday is Battle Red Day (scroll down), where the Texans wear red uniforms and... are undefeated the last two times they wore them! And, way up North, rumors have already begun about Gary Kubiak replacing Dom Capers (scroll down). In other news, this week's line on the chances that the Colts will remain undefeated is released (it also includes odds on whether or not the Texans will win a game - Texans have a better shot winning a game than the Colts have not losing one, in case you're too lazy to read the article). What would 7-0 guarantee the Colts, anyway? Not a whole lot. However, seven teams since 1970 have strated out 7-0 and have gone on to win the superbowl. For information concerning a reverse-superbowl, see the January 1st 2006 game between the 49ers and the Texans. Last game of the season may settle who is number one come April. Who said these guys will have nothing to play for down the stretch?

2005-10-18T09:04:00.000-07:00

JOEY THE THORN

Bad buzz in Detroit for Joey Harrington. Jeff Garcia has been cleared to practice and play. Bob Wojnowski of the Detroit News says Detroit's options are dire - "a guy with a broken leg or a guy whose biggest game was the Motor City Bowl" (rookie Dan Orlovsky - who, if played, would flash Lions fans back to Scott Mitchell's benching and replacement by Charlie Batch). Garcia isn't sure he's ready, either, and doesn't think a Joey benching would solve all their problems. One thing is clear, Joey seems pretty well done at some point - a 'when', not 'if' situation. Mariucci, not exactly in hinting mode, said "I don't make a change at a press conference like this." He then added, "I usually wait until after I read the message boards. insanelionsmaniac81279 is always wise, like a football Yoda, and detroitlionzkilla666 always makes me see the lighter side of this crazy business." Overall, Mooch doesn't sound like he thinks Garcia or Orlovsky are viable alternatives right now - which is basically what all the columnists are bitching about, too. In a league known for weak endorsements of embattled coaches and QBs, continuing to start Joey may be '05's weakest shrug of an endorsement yet.

2005-10-17T11:33:00.000-07:00

"Tommy Gun" Shoots Steelers In Foot

Many in the sports media have questioned Ben Roethlisberger's abilities in Pittsburgh. A good number of talking heads have said it's the system not the QB. Let Sunday's debacle in Pittsburgh end that argument right now.

With Roethlisberger on the sideline nursing a bone bruise, the Steeler Nation had to watch in horror as back-up QB Tommy Maddox did everything in his power to lose the game. And succeeded in that effort.

Gerry Dulac of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette delivers the post mortem on Maddox's four turnover day.

2005-10-17T09:45:00.000-07:00

MINNESOTA CELEBRATION!

Sports fans in Minnesota are beside themselves with joy today... a former player of the Twins has helped the White Sox get into the World Series! Sadly, that's the closest anyone out there is getting to post season euphoria this year. Patrick Reusse of the Star Tribune (subscription) comments that the Vikes are as bad on grass as they are on water. Looking at the scoreboard at haltime, Reusse has the horrifying thought, "I must be drinking again!" All over America, headline writers and columnists come up with lazy variations of the Vikings in a sinking ship, getting broadsides, being rudderless, etc. Chuck Culpepper of Newsday weighs in on the Vikings plight and rightly points to their losing record as their greatest affront to their fans. And, in Chicago, few column inches are given to the Bears despite their win (due to the previously mentioned post season euphoria). Mike Mulligan of the Sun-Times changes the NFC North's nickname from Black & Blue to Lack & Few (wins). Uh... Not the greatest, Mike. But it's still better than Where Ambition Goes to Die.

2005-10-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

'Merica's Team, Muddlin' the East

With the Cowboys suddenly giving fans flutters of anticipation of a date at SuperBowl XL, it also makes them nostalgic because the last 'Boys visit to a superbowl was also the last time most fans could fit into a slinky XL pair of sweats. Meanwhile, Tiki Barber laments his call on the coin toss, as it determined the outcome in OT. Nobody in Texas feels like celebrating after the ugly, turnover plagued game. Jane Cursted of the Houston Chronicle makes thenovel joke that the game had more turnovers than Pillsbury. We'll forgive her because Houstonians have to look elsewhere now for an NFL-caliber team. Heck, the Astros win one more game, expect the Texans to disappear from local sports pages completely for two weeks. At least.

2005-10-11T09:51:00.000-07:00

Man Of Steel

After what looked like a serious injury on Monday Night Football, Steeler Quarterback Ben Roethlisberg could "likely play this Sunday against Jacksonville", according to the Pittsburgh Post Gazette.

And MRI showed negative ligament damage and the injury seems to be a hyper-extended knee coupled with a bone bruise.

Ouch.

2005-10-10T14:11:00.000-07:00

Breaking News: Mike Martz Stepping Down As Rams Coach

As many suspected, Rams coach Mike Martz will be stepping down as the head coach of the St. Louis Rams -- indefinitely, to deal with personal health issues. CNN gives more detail on Martz's health issue with endocarditis, a bacterial infection of the lining of the heart.

The St. Louis Post Dispatch has more on it as well.

2005-10-10T10:34:00.000-07:00

Bengals Smacked In The Mouth

"Five and No"

I warned you Bengal fans -- talk to me after you beat the Jags in Week Five. Welcome to reality -- you have a pretty good team that might make the playoffs, but the cold, hard reality is you won't get to play Houston every week.

2005-10-10T08:59:00.000-07:00

THE MASTERMIND'S LAMENT

"I will shave upon the end of these maddening penalties and our return to our rightful place atop the division!" Nick Saban at a Monday press conference.

New Mastermind Nick Saban is back after a bye week! Sadly, the Bills of Buffalo had to go and ruin another round of columnists finding new ways to shower Saban with accolades. Greg Stoda of the Palm Beach Post turns nasty on the Dolphins, telling us someone needs to find a cure for their penalty addiction. Happily, Brian Billick, a former Mastermind himself (and first to experiment with a Mastermind-ish looking beard), steered his team to more penalties and a more dispiriting loss yesterday so Saban gets a pass. And it's their mistakes that kept them from a stirring comeback in Orchard Park. Greg Cote says the Bills should almost be embarrassed for coming away with a win. But he still questions whether or not the Dolphins beating themselves is worse than the Bill actually winning - or, uh, something like that. Read the article and figure it out for yourselves. But hey, Ricky's back this week!

2005-10-10T08:53:00.000-07:00

Game Of The Day ... Snicker ...

For those who saw it, the game of the day was most definitely the Ravens at the Lions. The Ravens were the model for a football team gone bad, with over 120 yards in penalties even the Oakland Raiders had to look-on and say "whoa". The Baltimore Sun (annoying free sub needed) has the post-mortem about the Ravens meltdown, while Drew Sharp at the Detroit Free Press chronicles how, even in victory, he still hates Joey. Nicholas Cotsonika also gives his take on the debacle that saw two Ravens players ejected for "roughing-up" the officiating crew.

Update:

JT The Brick @ MSNBC thinks Billick should be fired. Can't say he's wrong. Ever since the Ravens' Super Bowl win in 2000 the team has gotten steadily worse from a steady stream of mistakes; dumping Trent Dilfer for the ineffectual Elvis Grbac, Kyle Boller, Kordell Stewart, Anthony Wright ... wasn't Billick supposed to be some sort of QB guru? In my opinion Billick is one of the most overrated Coaches in the league. Even Tony Dungy has managed to bring success to everywhere he's gone. Sure, Tampa never quite turned the corner during his tenure, but he learned his lessons and wisely hasn't tinkered with the offense in Indy. And now he has the best defense in the NFL thus far.

Let the coaching carousel begin ...

2005-10-10T08:43:00.000-07:00

No Surprise Here: Rivers Wants Trade From Chargers

After seeing Eli Manning become the starting QB for the NY Giants, and Ben Roethlisberger become "the guy" in Pittsburgh, Philip Rivers is demanding to start, or be traded. This was expected news as Rivers was all but guranteed to be starting for the Chargers by now -- but a funny thing happened on the way to be under center ... Drew Brees suddenly started playing well. Not just well -- but great.

Ed Bouchette of the Pittsburgh Post Gasette fills in the rest in his article "Draft-day story or how Steelers landed Big Ben, and Eli got his wish".

2005-10-07T08:50:00.000-07:00

WHERE AMBITION GOES TO DIE ROUNDUP!

Chicago faired well last week, at least. The rest of the NFC North (WAGTD)... not so good. Michael Rosenberg of the Freep titles his column about the Lions "Land of the Lost" because all the offensive pieces assembled will not fit. EVER! Not in a million years. He's also glad they told him Charles Rogers isn't playing Sunday because, if they hadn't, he "wouldn't have noticed." Rosenberg's column is the harshest yet that I've seen in the bitter NFC North (WAGTD). The Journal Times is already writing breathlessly about Brett Favre's replacement, Aaron Rodgers. (Related: The Sacramento Bee tells Alex Smith he should look at Aaron Rodgers's situation with envy.) At least the Packers have excelled at one thing this season: trailing. Even though there is some kind of Baseball thing going on in Chicago, time is squeezed in somehow to talk about the Bears because Kyle Orton is on the verge of something special, according to Mike Mulligan of the Sun-Times... he may start four consecutive games! In the same season! Rex Grossman, you sure lowered the durability bar, my firend. Vikings players move on after a dispiriting address from Coach Tice on Monday where one player claimed Tice "quit on us." Finally, Jon Krawczynski details the sorry state of the Vikings as both due to parity, poor coaching and an alarming lack of identity.
PS: Does anyone else think that, if Joey Harrington hadn't pressed that execute button on Lost this week, that Jeff Garcia would have magically come in to replace him on the island?

2005-10-05T14:05:00.000-07:00

An NFL Coach's Dream?

Most RB challenged teams would love to have Bill Cowher's problem. He has too many good RB's! According to Ed Bouchette at the Pittsburgh Post Gazette, Cowher's major dilemma is who is going to back-up Willie Parker. Jerome Bettis or Duce Staley? Ed also updates us on the Steelers injuries as they prep to take on the suddenly hot San Diego Chargers on the NFL's biggest stage -- Monday Night Football.

2005-10-05T08:49:00.000-07:00

TEXAS TWO (AND TWO) STEP

The Dallas Cowboys are feeling the pressure. James Aron, in a piece seemingly reprinted everywhere (still America's team, I guess), tells us Bill Parcells needs to loosen up. Parcells and Keyshawn aren't too worried about their close loss to the Raiders. But, this is the time of year you need to "string some wins together." Third and long against the Eagles could get ugly for Bledsoe. That means "The running game needs to get going!" NFL fans in Texas have one team to be proud of this week, at least. Finally, with a clash of the two NFL teams with the most zealous fans, the violence was surprisingly minimal for Sunday's game - one stabbing and 30 arrests for public intoxication. Thankfully, all that was limited to Sebastian Janikowski's after-game party.

2005-10-04T09:14:00.000-07:00

THEY OWN THIS TOWN

The Bengals own Cincinnati. Sadly, that means baseball is no longer king. Paul Daugherty of the Cinci Enquirer tries to convince us it's been that way for years (he doesn't explain all those one-month-old jerseys in the stands). He makes a strong case for more support flowing toward the Bengals than the Reds, anyway. The Cincinnati Post flashes back to the good old days of 1988 when they started 4-0 and went to the big game (chances are they won't face the 49ers in the superbowl this time). Also from the Enquirer, we are told the remaining teams the Bengals will face look... vulnerable. Kind of like the first four? Expect them to sidle up to Renee Zellwegger soon.

2005-10-03T21:03:00.000-07:00

WHERE AMBITION GOES TO DIE

Jim Souhan name drops Spergon Wynn again, referring to Daunte Culpepper as a pro-bowl quarterback transformed into "Spergon Wynn on steroids." (free subscription needed). But Jim reminds us that the Vikings are in the NFC North, where ambition goes to die (that or appearing in a David E. Kelly show). Gary Giombetti of the Hibbing Daily Tribune can't beleive his eyes but "The Vikings have sunk to a new low." Even Fran Tarkenton said the problem is coaching so, we wonder, how much longer does Mike Tice have? Odd are 5-8 that he goes first. Look at that list... out of eleven names five are named Mike. Poor Mike.

2005-10-03T20:14:00.000-07:00

LOVE DOESN'T STOP WITH A BYE..."Be seated, Dolphins beat writer's! I shall now regale you with tales of my infamy to fill your puny periodicals!" Nick Saban at a Monday press conference.

The locals cannot stop gushing over new mastermind Nick Saban. The Miami Herald instructs us as to Saban's penchant for referencing his family when talking about football. In fact, with fines levied against Wes Welker and Tebucky Jones from last weeks game, Saban petitioned the league for time outs and no X-Box for a week instead of five grand apiece for 'illegal hits'. Saban called the fines "ridiculous." And like that strange guy who brought the Backstreet Boys and N'Sync together, Saban has brilliantly brought together a coaching staff filled with unknown brain boxes who can both sing and dance. And, uh, apparently Saban has even brought... enlightenment to halftime.This is getting out of hand!

2005-10-03T11:08:00.000-07:00

BRING ME THE HEAD OF JOE MONTANA!

"The Clash of the Desperates at Azteca Stadium" leaves San Francisco searching for answers on offense. The crowd began as Niner fans but were swayed by the poor play to switch sides. Thankfully, Dennis Green won't complain about a "home game" in which the "visitors" team had more fans. And could there be a QB controversy as Alex Smith sees real game snaps in garbage time? Up in Arizona, some are tenatatively hopeful about the win, which is the third time the Josh McCown era has begun. A division title isn't out of the question for anyone in the NFC West at this point. Plus, is there a Mike Nolan cult of personality? If so, is there any chance he could kick down some of it to his offense?

2005-10-03T10:47:00.000-07:00

Close? Who Cares ...

No matter how you look at it, Joey Harrington and the Lions were robbed on Sunday. But, according to Michael Rosenberg of The Detroit Free Press, the fans don't give a damn about being close to beatin the Tampa Bay Buccaneers ... they are tired of being "close". They're tired of narrow losses ... tired of being one big play WR or break out RB away from being a contender. Can you blame them?

2005-09-30T08:21:00.000-07:00

I HEART JOEY BUT HEART CADILLAC MORE

Troy Aikman comes to Joey Harrington's defense, firmly beleiving he can still be "a really good quarterback in this league." And, "He's big, he's smart, he has intangibles and he looks like that guy from Lost, which is a good show." Mike Williams is from the Tampa area - will this be the week the rookie breaks out? Even the Detroit Free Press finds the car-themed Tampa Bay RB Cadillac Williams more interesting than their own players. There are so many "clever" car references when NFL writers go on about Cadillac, one can close their eyes and picture flattened tires, empty gas tanks, and steering-gone-wrong headlines come late November. This is a couple days old from the South Bend Tribune, but the headline "Lions in first; end of the world to follow?" is too good to pass up.

2005-09-29T19:46:00.000-07:00

NEXT WEEK: A BUST IN CANTON"Mastermind? Mastermind isn't good enough! Try again!" Nick Saban at a Monday press conference.

Dolphins weblogs are already asking "Is Nick Saban the next mastermind?" Hm. Good old Dave Wannstedt started pretty well a couple times (5-1 in '02, 4-1 in '03) - and no one ever accused him of being a mastermind. Also, the AFC follows Saban's masterminding by naming Lance Schulters as defensive player of the week a day after Saban did the same. Saban will also cater the next owner's meeting. In the same article, there are rumblings of a QB move behind Gus Frerotte and AJ Feeley's (once a starter, now a third stringer) agent has not returned calls (developing...). 70% of fans think they are for real! Recent major injuries elsewhere in the AFC East also favor Miami's march to world domination (until a late November collapse, anyway). All this and the Dolphins are on a bye this week. Columnists and purveyors of columnists (hello) will need to obsess over someone else this weekend.

2005-09-29T12:16:00.000-07:00

AT LEAST THERE WILL BE A SEASON 4 OF "THE WIRE"

"We're not going to panic here." Two teams with... interesting QB problems face off as the grounded Jets face the, uh, clipped Ravens. Brian Billlick and promise-making Jim Fassel discuss their pre-season hopes for the offense and the reality of being 0-2. And, referring to the Jets own QB problems, Billick says "Nothing rocks a team more than the loss of a starting quarterback." If that's all it takes to rock, sunday's gonna kick butt! They've been preaching this game being the start of a fresh "14-game season." A turnaround for the Ravens might - just might - have something to do with this guy. I'm guessing.

2005-09-27T08:54:00.000-07:00

THREE-WAY FLORIDA SUPERBOWL PT. 1,236

Uh-oh, the Herald Tribune is already predicting "playoffs" for the 3-0 Bucaneers. Guys, guys... it's September, okay? Gruden plans on riding the Cadillac hard the rest of the way so get ready for November columns reminding us rookies wear down and Brian Griese needs a running game in order to be effective. And Tim Povak of the Orlando Sentinel goes on and on about all three Florida teams and the good chance that they will all reach the playoffs. And Nick Saban uses special treats for his team when he wants them to "think". Because, surely, had they not made so many dumb penalties against Carolina, they would have won 70-0. Gus Frerotte "can't imagine what it would be like without those penalties." I just said, Gus! 70-0!

2005-09-27T07:54:00.000-07:00

C-H-A-D is D-O-N-E

From the NY Times:

"The Jets' worst fears were realized Monday when they learned that Chad Pennington tore the rotator cuff in his surgically repaired right shoulder during Sunday's 26-20 overtime loss to the Jacksonville Jaguars and would be lost for the season. "

Really? "Worst Fears"? Not so sure about that. Pennington is both loved and hated in statue town, but one can't help but think it's more of the latter than the former. I can't help but wonder what the Patriots would look like today if not for Drew Bledsoe's injury ... would the Patriots have gone on to win three Super Bowl's in four years? Would Tom Brady even be a starter in this league? We'll never know. But Bean Town stuck with Drew for so long, and was so sure he was "there guy" (he got them to a Super Bowl after all) that if not for his injury, we might not know of the future Hall of Fame QB Tom Brady. One would like to think that talent, like cream, always rises to the top, but in the era of favorite sons and multi-million dollar contracts, I can't help but see Pennington's injury as a chance for third string QB Brooks Bollinger to show the football world he's the next Tom Brady.

If there is such a thing.

UPDATE: The New York Daily News chimes in with a few epitaphs. Here (Chad's contract money isn't guaranteed!). Heah (a nightmare!) Yestahday (Vinny won't be playing!) And today (we signed Vinny!). Tomorrow (Herm Edwards's head explodes).
And didn't we tell Vic Ziegel a couple weeks ago that there is an endless supply of rugs to be pulled from some teams? Yes, we did.

2005-09-26T16:12:00.000-07:00

Is There An NFL Conspiracy Against The Steelers???

One thing each and every NFL season gurantees, there will be an officiation screw-up that sticks it to the Steelers. This is a breaking story! The Pats were given an extra minute in the fourth quarter for their "clutch victory" over the Steelers. Is the NFL that desperate for a "dynasty"??? Inquiring minds want to know! (not to mention angry Steelers fans!)

UPDATE: WTAE - TV 4 adds more coverage to the clock "snafu".

2005-09-26T14:50:00.000-07:00

J-E-T-S To Start 3rd String QB and Even Consider Giving V-I-N-N-I-E A Call

Not since Steve Marriucci's first day on the job in SF, when he lost both Steve Young and Jerry Rice, have I seen a season get off to a worse start. It's only four weeks into the season and already the Jets are looking to their 3rd string QB for salvation. Brooks Bollinger is his name ... and carrying the weight of the hopes of Jets fans is his game.

2005-09-26T14:06:00.000-07:00

BEST TEAM EVER! (except for their problems)

Bob Kravitz of the Indianapolis Star tells us to "get used to it" about three hundred times in his column when discussing the Colts stingy defense and low scoring games. This, of course, portends a 16-0 season and a trip to SBXL, right? Peyton is just as happy with these wins as the multiple TD games of yesteryear (he promises). But, someone's gotta go and fume about the missing offense. However, the far future is not so bright considering the entire Colts organization is up against... the bean house. Ruth Holladay forgoes the interesting implications and makes bean-cooking jokes aplenty when discussing the fight over the site of a future Colts palace.

2005-09-26T11:06:00.000-07:00

I STILL HEART NICK SABAN

After beating hipster superbowl favorite Carolina yesterday, Florida is still ga-ga over Coach Saban (after taking last week off). That 2-1 defense? Still learning according to Charles Elmore of the Palm Beach post - that means it'll soon become good enough to beat the Justice League! And Edwin Pope of the Miami Herald tells fans to... gulp... "beleive it, these Dolphins are good." Saban has also been recruited to stop the next hurricane scheduled to hit Florida, along with Jack Del Rio and Jon Gruden as the three-way Florida superbowl is back!!!

2005-09-26T10:18:00.000-07:00

SHRUGGING TUNDRA

Zebras hunt for Packers in two consecutive weeks. And Brett Favre may have to abandon the "gunslinger mentality" Huh? At his age? Well, he has now thrown more INTs in the past three games than in any three game stretch in his career and the Pack have gone 0-3 for the first time in 17 years. And Mark Felman of the Journal Times in Wisconsin proposes making a "stupid sheet" and posting it somewhere prominent for all Packers to see. I would like to propose, if they keep losing, that instalation artist Christo create an art happening of these so-called stupid sheets and hang them about the city.

2005-09-26T09:58:00.000-07:00

Bengals 3-0? Not Really ...

Sit down Bengal fans and give those dreams of a SuperBowl a reality-check. Look, I respect your 3-0, but the reality of the situation is this: how many times can you pick number one in the draft and not put together a winning team? And, how can you consistently pick number one in the draft and not beat The Browns, The Happless Vikings and The Below Average Bears? These are games you should have won! And next week you play The Texans! Talk to me in week five when you beat the Jags and in week seven after you beat the Steelers.

My guess, you won't be talkin' to me.

Unlike the Bengals fans, at least the team is keeping things in perspective.

2005-09-26T08:10:00.000-07:00

Hey, It's Tom Brady ...

That seems to be the consensus in Steel Town this morning after the Steelers let a very winnable game slip away. In this morning's Pittsburgh Post Gazette, Ed Bouchette talks-up the Steelers performance against the Pats this time around, as opposed to last year's AFC Championship Game, notes that Roethlisbeger is still showing no signs of a sophmore slump, but also notes that the Steelers are facing the same wall of achievement that Peyton Manning still needs to scale ... one built by Bill Bellicheck and Tom Brady.

Ed Bouchette also gives his thoughts on the play that probably cost the Steelers the game.

2005-09-23T09:07:00.000-07:00

BUFFALO HOOF POINTING

After the glow of a possible undefeated season in week one, the Bills are full of distractions after their lackluster loss in week two to the Bucs. Willis McGahee goes so far as to counter Coach Mularkey's complaints about his tentative running. "Everybody's got their own opinions," McGahee said. "It's different when you're out there on the field doing it yourself." No word on whether or not McGahee will be promoted to offensive coordinator. Not only do the Bills worry about Michael Vick on Sunday, they worry IF it'll be Michael Vick and if so, which Michael Vick it'll be. Injured? 50%, 75%? The defense will surely look to Willis McGahee for assistance in game planning. Ben Plewak of the Buffalo Bills Insider tells us not to judge young JP Losman too fast. After all, great QBs often have terrible games. And guess who the blame falls upon ... that's right, Willis McGahee!

2005-09-22T13:53:00.000-07:00

THROW AND THROWABILITY

Joey Harrington, like a Jane Austen heroine, has watched those younger than him come into the league and find success while he still struggles to find himself and true love. Carson Palmer, Byron Leftwich, Ben Roethlisberger... and Joey will forever be paired with David Carr - sigh. Clocks are ticking all over the place for poor Joey and the next three games will more than likely define the rest of his Lions tenure. And Charles Rogers is the talented-yet underachieving poster boy for these Lions (meaning his physical gifts will give him numerous second chances long after Harrington is selling insurance in NE Portland). And a touching story from Joey's college days helps him keep things in perspective. This Lions post is Freep free!

2005-09-22T08:35:00.000-07:00

3-12

As Kerry Collins zooms toward his sixteenth game (a full season!) as Raiders bomber, he reflects over the past fifteen during which he's gone, as you can guess, 3-12. "I feel responsibility for the wins and loses." And... yet another article about Kerry's long, hard road to 3-12 superstar status, this one by Mike Sielski of PhillyBurbs.com. Eagleses Lito and Sheldon can't wait to face Randy Moss on sunday while Ron Hood, a nickel back, anticipates a "special experience" with Moss. Uh... okay, Ron. If watching someone's backside running away from you for three hours is special in your book, that's okay with us.

2005-09-21T09:14:00.000-07:00

Anthropologists Dig-Up QB's For Lions

In order to keep Joey Harrington's confidence up, the Lions have brought in -- uh -- Jeff George to back him up. For those who have been keeping score, Jeff George last played in the NFL in 2001 -- his career sorta ended with the Washington Redskins. Just after he was sacked on by a, uh, two man pass rush.

On Monday, Mariucci also told the media there was no truth to the rumors he was bringing in Shaun King for a workout.

Shaun King worked out for the Lions the following morning.

Check-out the coverage on the story from my Peeps at the Freep.

2005-09-21T08:54:00.000-07:00

SHHHHH - please!

Julian Peterson guarantees a victory over Dallas on Sunday. After Derek Smith promised to lay the wood on Terrell Owens last week and the resulting woodless perfomrnace... let's just say the Niner Nation has collectively shrugged this new promise off as well. And serious, veteran players at the back of the plane back home impress Coach Nolan because the aren't playing cards. No, instead, they were watching DVDs of Season Four of the Gilmore Girls. Nolan also sticks with Rattay. For now. Alex Smith calls Rattay 'the man' (for now). Art Spander says Nolan makes you believe he has a plan!
...for now.

2005-09-20T14:45:00.000-07:00

END OF THE PACKERS 4-EVA TATTOO

Dave Lubach of the Sheboygan Press subtly tells us Mike Sherman is gonesville. After two games, Dave? Whew. The Packers Advisory Board strongly urges you not to get your hopes up this season. And the best Packers fans could come with for a week three slogan is "Broadside the Bucaneers"? Huh. Although I was surprised at how close second place was: "Let Them Freely Plunder Our Poisoned Cheese Resulting in Their Untimely Demise" And "Smack the Cadillac" wasn't anywhere to be found. I guess everyone in the NFC North is alcohol-addled.

2005-09-20T09:44:00.000-07:00

IMPOSTERS!

A team expected to repeat as division champs is suddenly feeling like a young man having strange, confusing urges and desires in the locker room after gym class. That's right, Identity Crisis time for the Chargers! Also, #1 Fantasy pick LaDanian Tomlinson isn't happy, either, as he waits for the Chargers coaching staff to put him on their fantasy rosters so he'll get a few more touches per game. On the other side of the country, more identity crisis as the Ravens, presumed runner-ups in the North simply look with beaks agape at their first two outings. And Joe Gross of the Capitol Online says, "Let's cut the bull! It's time for the Ravens to face the facts that are saying they are not a very good football team." What do Mike Shannahan and Brian Billick talk about in the offseason at their Mensa meetings, anyway?

2005-09-20T09:31:00.000-07:00

Cowboys and Parcells Get "Japped"

I guess Parcells would probably call those two Brunell to Moss long-bomb passes into double coverage "jap plays". Most would call them "going long". Something the Cowboys didn't seem to try all evening. Enjoy that ring of honor ceremony Cowboys fans, because if "America's Team" keeps playing like this, those are the only ceremonies you'll be having for quite some time. Hanging banners remembering times you'll never see again.

Oh, yeah, and get used to these type of headlines; "Dallas Tripped-Up On Triplets Night".

2005-09-20T08:38:00.000-07:00

MICHAEL IRVIN'S SPECIAL NIGHT

His number was retired in two locations last night in very emotional ceremonies.
.

2005-09-19T14:04:00.000-07:00

Who?

According to CNNsi, The Houston Texans have fired their Offensive Coordinator. This was a surprise to most because it wasn't apparent they had one.

2005-09-19T08:27:00.000-07:00

BENGALS EMBARRASS THEMSELVES

Cincinnatti committed a franchise record seventeen penalties on Sunday! Lucky for them, they were playing the Vikings, who have learned the hard way that you can't add by substracting (Randy Moss). Patrick Reusse of the Star Tribune does not mince words when he says, "These Vikings have been immensely overrated in the alcohol-addled minds of their fans since the athletes reported to Mankato". But what came first, acohol-addledness or the Vikings play yesterday? Both Reusse and and Sean Jensen of the St. Paul Pioneer Press (free subscription needed) explain that first-year offensive coordinator Steve Loney (get used to that last name, bud) may be the one to fall on his sword for Sunday's meltdown. And a poll reveals that fans believe their team will improve when either Mike Tice is replaced or, in second place, when pigs fly. Although, given all that alcohol-addledness going on in Minnesota, pigs were probably flying by halftime for a lot of fans.

2005-09-19T08:09:00.000-07:00

Detro_t Fans Spea_ O_t! F_ve Pi_cks???

It's nice to see the Detroit fans are keeping the faith!

"Give Joey Harrington some time, I guarantee you he will be the next Ryan Leaf. I would also like to thank the Detroit media for getting my hopes up this season. Let's go, Red Wings!" -- Mark W. Davis, Morristown, N.J.

Oh ... uh ... wait, that's not a compliment is it? Let's try another fan, somebody more positive ...

"In my 37 years of being a Lions fan, this was the lowest point for me. To see an unmotivated, non-prepared team like this show up was ridiculous. What a waste of an afternoon.
Michael Kraft, West Bloomfield" -- Michael Kraft, West Bloomfield

Sigh ... well, I guess there isn't much to be positive about is there? As much as I was hoping to be blogging away about how spectacular Portland, OR local boy Joey Harrington was doing this year, I think this Clint Eastwood quote sums it up best: "A man's got to know his limitations."

Mitch Albom of the Detroit Free Press now believes in the Easter Bunny more than Joey Harrington.

However, the award for the best Faux FOX Reality Television Show Title goes to Nicholas J. Cotsonika of the Freep with his article titled: "When Bears Attack". It'd be really funny ... if not so sad.

2005-09-16T12:43:00.000-07:00

Billick Tries To Calm Fans' Kordell Fears

Is Billick reading this blog??? Did he see that pic of a hapless Kordell lying on the turf while a Bengal runs off with the football in the opposite direction??? This blogger wants to know! Anyway, Billick tries to "clarify" his starting Quarterback comments in today's Baltimore Sun. Which, you'll need an annoying free subscription to read. I still ask, what is the point of a "Free Subscription" to some of these websites? It's as annoying as DVD manufacturers listing "Chapter Selection" as a "Special Feature".

2005-09-16T08:12:00.000-07:00

Tommy Gun?

Looks like Big Ben Roethlisberger may miss the game against the Texans at home this Sunday, and the one time local hero Tommy Maddox may have to step in. Ray Fittipaldo of the Pittsburgh Post Gazette fills us in on Big Ben's Big Bone Bruise. The only question that remains is if Maddox will continue his streak of throwing at least one pick-per-game!

2005-09-16T07:53:00.000-07:00

MOST VALUABLE FRANCHISE

The Washington Post begins a series of sweet, sweet memories detailing the nine consecutive losses the Redskins have suffered against Dallas. To even things out (they're having two recaps a day), expect #10 on Tuesday. Patrick Ramsey denies asking for a trade, but then adds, "What's said between Coach and I, it's between us." Then says, "I haven't specifically told Coach I want a trade in any way." In other news, still searching what the meaning of "is" is. And forget those boring Nationals (and White House), the most important job in Washington is now Mark Brunell's! I'm with Mark on this as his birthday is two days before mine. Rick Gosselin gets paid to sit around wondering how he'd build a new NFL franchise - deftly noting (he works for the Dallas Morning News), that Dan Snyder's method of spending wildly with no patience simply doesn't work. And Snyder's other business's and churlish manner will almost guarantee we'll get an "Apprentice III" with him on an elevator chair in the boardroom. He'll just get to fire people more than once an episode.

2005-09-15T08:37:00.000-07:00

Never Fear, Ravens Fans, Kordell Is Here!

Breathe a sigh of relief, Ravens fans, your season has been rescued. Brian Billick has saved the day by calling-up Kordell Stewart to back-up Anthony Wright. Whew ... thank goodness ... for a second there, I thought you guys were in trouble!

2005-09-15T08:13:00.000-07:00

GREEN MACHINE
Seeing as how the O-line is Dennis Green's creation, Kent Somers of the AZ Republic tells us it's something Green will need to fix. By Sunday would be nice. And Arizona players can be seen uttering the mantra "It's only one game, it's only one game." Spend time sunday counting the folks at Sun Devil stadium on one hand and wonder why the Cards get a brand new facility next season. Gerard Gallagher then tells us that the Card's ressurection... may have to wait. Uh, maybe in time for that new facility? (Photo of the tiny stadium under construction to the right, under the freakishly large cactus)

2005-09-14T12:16:00.000-07:00

An Unwanted Sequel In Chicago

SOB=Same Old Bears according to Brad Biggs of The Chicago Sun Times. You know it's bad when the best your beat reporter can come-up with to describe his home town team is "the bad news bears". I was about to accuse Biggs of lazy reporting ... but, after the snoozefest between the Bears and the Redskins this last Sunday, I can't blame the guy for using the copy/paste feature on his laptop and reaching for cliches more well used than Jennifer Lopez's divorce lawyer.

2005-09-14T11:52:00.000-07:00

Football or "The Sopranos"?

I know the sign says "The St Louis Rams Football Organization", but it sure sounds like The Sopranos Crime Family.
In case you're wondering, here's the offending article in question.

2005-09-14T10:20:00.000-07:00

To Roar Or Not To Roar? That Is The Question ...

The good news? The Detroit Lions won their first game of the season and are sitting all alone atop their division. The bad news? Their division is the NFC North, which looks an awful lot like last years' NFC West. And while Detroit Lions fans, starved for something to roar about for some time now, are beating their chests in the streets, Bob Wojnowski of the Detroit News wisely keeps things in perspective. Hey, don't get me wrong, a win's a win and I'm all for being supportive of a well deserved victory. But, the fact is The Lions won't get to play the lackluster Packers every week featuring a pick-prone Brett Favre and I'm glad to see that even the Freep is keeping things in perspective.

2005-09-14T09:42:00.000-07:00

North Dallas 16-0
Julius Jones learns about passing. Peter King loves him so he must be the real deal, huh? As if needed, more acolytes from Texas line up for indoctrination into the church of Bill Parcells. He's like Dr. House! Mean, gruff, sardonic and grumpy but... marshmallowy and soft on the inside! I just don't want to see a CGI camera swoop into his arteries. Nor a camera swoop over the smooth, strangely feline face of Jerry Jones. Shiver.

2005-09-14T07:45:00.000-07:00

Two more for 16-0
A gift to Chiefs fans everywhere. M. Centanni gets warm and cozy with the new KC defense. I looked but couldn't find anyone calling for Gunther Cunningham's head this week. And before they can all be fitted for rings, Jason Whitlock of the Kansas City Star writes a great open letter to Larry Johnson - and he's not asking for an autograph for a sick child (annoying free subscription needed). "Larry, your love of drama, if not subdued, is going to get you hurt," and "The whole thing sounds pretty Jerry Springer-ish." Then he calls him a Drama King! Meanwhile, Indianapolis also finds reasons to be pie-in-the-sky over their defense as well. Hopefully they'll keep it up for years to come because it looks like Dungy's children will be around long enough to attend a local high school and we don't like it when coach's kids get picked on because of a soft D.

2005-09-13T19:55:00.000-07:00

EVW writes...

What Sophmore Slump?

Steelers fans breathed a collective sigh of relief Sunday when Ben Roethlisberger came out and not only avoided the much anticipated sophmore slump, but put up a perfect passer rating against the Titans. A vastly different performance than was expected after a dismal pre-season where the first offense failed to score even one touchdown.

However, this admittedly biased Steeler fan isn't quite over his worries. As the Pittsburgh Gazette's Ed Bouchette points out, Roethlisberger was asked to throw 11 times. And, well, it was against the rebuilding Titans on a Sunday walker and all. Tell you what, Ben, beat New England in week three, then I'll stop holding my breath every time you drop back to pass. Fox tells us more about Ben's great opener.

2005-09-13T12:14:00.000-07:00

HOW ABOUT THOSE GIANTS?
I personally think the Jets and the Giants get too much ink because of their home city (in name only, I know) but... I'll throw in this Bob Glauber newsday article because in mentions a few medical terms concerning Chad Pennington like Dr. House sneering at everyone's golden boy. Also, it's hard not to enjoy a team whose last offensive coordinator was named Hackett and the new one is named Heimerdinger. Last year, the Jets couldn't "hack it" and now they're being "Dinged." Sigh. The cruelty of beat writer's. And Vic Ziegel seems to think it can't get worse for Chad and the J-E-T-S. Maybe Vic should talk to a few fans of the 2004 49ers and Dolphins. There is an endless supply of rugs to be pulled for some teams.

2005-09-13T10:07:00.000-07:00

BIRDS LOSE! ... and... win
Poor Eagles. Didn't they know about the superbowl losing hangover? One day a superbowl loser is going to win their next season opener and it will be celebrated like a conquering army returning from Mesopotamia. Eagles fans can look longingly at Florida and its trio of superbowl-bound NFL teams now... until next week.
Headline writers continue to snooze when writing of bird-related teams losing - "clipped" and "grounded" being the biggest offenders. The Falcons, by contrast, "took flight" against the defending NFC champs. Expect signs of "soaring" if the Eagles can manage to defeat the Niners next week.

2005-09-13T08:33:00.000-07:00

BUT - BUT - WE'RE IN FIRST PLACE!
Matthew Gagnon of 49ersnews.com tells us how conventional naivete led most of the football world to assume the Niners would be destroyed by the Rams. Mike Martz falls on his sword - again. When he's on, he's a riverboat gambler! When he's off, Martz is an arrogant fool (with a large collection of swords, apparently). Also, Martz stands behind his special teams coach. Bear in mind that former FEMA guy had support last week, too. And the Niners are 10,000 to 1 to win the NFC West. Are they just keeping first place warm for a week? Can real Seahawks actually "bumble"? What would that look like? Art Thiel tells us that Matt Hasslebeck continues to get no love. Of course, everyone in Florida this week is trying to figure out a three-way superbowl since all their teams are obviously going 16-0. Uh-oh - speaking of Florida, might want to ask Mike Martz about invoking the "mad scientist" label.

2005-09-12T21:09:00.000-07:00

He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named
Jim Souhan writes the opening post-mortem of the first Randy Moss-less Vikings game. Ah,what should have been a glorious beginning of Daunte - and only Daunte's - team. "Instead we got a one-man broadway show dedicated to the memory of Spergon Wynn." That makes me think of Theodore Sturgeon having a son and naming him Spergon. Also, Tampa Bay, after one game, has the offensive line problems of last season all but forgotten - until next week, anyway. Gah! Fans in Detroit vote on whether or not their week one victory is reason to hope against hope that momentum is on their side. A majority says... yes!

I HEART NICK SABAN
Writer's can hardly hold their love for the new Dolphins coach and his victory over sloppy, mountain zone-living Broncos. Except for Wannstedt's last season, Miami always plays well in Spetember, right? The national press is particularly giddy over his tough-as-nails approach. Give Saban credit for having a memory longer than one bad season.

Average Mike
Oh, that whole mastermind thing is no longer used without irony in Denver. Jake Plummer admits he could have done better. It takes an outsider to sometimes put week one Monday morning histrionics in perspective, though. There is something to that whole Canada thing. Boy, if it weren't for Hockey, I'd move there in an instant.